My name is Maryam and I want to solve your dating issues.

What makes me experienced enough to help you do this? I’m 31 years old—I do realise age doesn’t matter that much here, but I have well over 16 years of terrible dates, good relationships, bad relationships, hilariously bad hookups and everything else in between. I’ve dated online, the old fashioned way, and in ways that not even I truly understand.

You hooked up with someone in a band and feel awful? I’ve got you covered. You like that girl who is on the door at shows in your town but don’t know what to say to her? I’ve got you covered. You want to know how good that dude’s beard really is? I’ve got you covered. You want to know how to deal with breaking up with someone you’re dating when you’re cheating on them with someone you like better? I’ve got you covered.

I don’t judge because we all date in our own ways. I am an unbiased source and sometimes in life we all need someone totally separate from the situation to give a totally honest, clear piece of advice.

I’ve actually been writing about relationships for a long time on my blog, from the perspective of a person with anxiety who only got out of a string of long-term relationships a few years ago. Dating was a new thing to me and a totally scary thing at that. Suddenly I had to sit in situations with people I didn’t know and attempt to figure out how I felt about them whilst trying to make myself look good. I failed a lot, it was a learning process and it’s a continued, and occasionally very annoying struggle.

You can email me issues here and I will offer unbiased, rational advice to help you sort through the murky waters of modern dating. All posts will be anonymous so you don’t have to worry about anyone finding out anything.

Come at me, punks of the internet, and let’s sort your dating life.